So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
