She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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