I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
50% drunk capacity currently
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize