Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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