No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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