Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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