It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize
