Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
