Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
