you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
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