the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
