I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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