You can't special order awesome
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
