Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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