i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
