There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
