Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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