Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
we're making bets on your personal life
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
