i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
