After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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