Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
This is my gift to your gina
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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