1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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