the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
