I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize