every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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