Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
