I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
