Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
so much tequila, so little girl.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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