I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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