yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
