half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
