Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
