I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
