Fine. I'll sleep in my office
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
