My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
