did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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