I accidentally had phone sex last night
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
