Just fell off a train. Bad.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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