You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
