well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
