I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
