her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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