I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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