Who did Billy Mays play for?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
it's great music for shaving your balls
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
