Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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