When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It's never too late to be topless.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
