Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize