I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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