I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
