im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
