we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
