anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
