I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
