3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
