i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
