How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
