Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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