Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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