It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
