I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
