Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize