i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
