I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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