What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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