I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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