I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
