Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
