are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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