The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
